


Cold Chamomile

by IfCujoWereSappho



Category: Kuroshitsuji : The Most Beautiful DEATH in the World - Iwasaki/Mori/Mari, Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Chronic Illness, Domestic, Dorks in Love, Fluff, M/M, Nightmares, Sexual Content, Slice of Life, self-gratifying fluff, unspecified universe - can be read as AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 05:23:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19192645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IfCujoWereSappho/pseuds/IfCujoWereSappho
Summary: Alan does so much for them both, Eric wishes he could give everything.





	Cold Chamomile

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji or any recognizable characters.  
> Non/Self-Beta'd and half-edited: all mistakes, bad writing and OOCness are mine
> 
> Inspired by: [hibiren's Staying Warm](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5791303)

When Alan was late, Eric worried. When Alan wasn’t home yet, leaving Eric to listen to the storm outside in solitude, Eric worried more. Alan was going to get sick again despite having promised Eric he’d pay attention to that congested cough. At the first rattle of the front door Eric bolted towards it.   
“Alan! Ye scared me!” he proclaimed, not managing to care that wrapping a soaked man in his arms would dampen him as well, or knock Alan’s coat, half shrugged, half startled off, to the floor.   
“Ah don’t,” Alan said, a bit belatedly. “You’ll get all...oh Eric.” Alan couldn’t fight his fondness, not that he’d wanted to but he hadn’t wanted to trouble his partner either. He moved his rain splattered glasses up to his forehead, not much more blind without the drops obscuring their use as Eric looked him over. “Are ye alright, Alan? It’s shite’n rain out there.”

Alan didn’t answer directly, knowing he was shivering as Eric took in the sight of his exhaustion weighted shoulders and eyelids.    
“I know I said I wouldn’t nag ye fer takin’ over time, but Al, yer supposed ta be the responsible one.” Even as he spoke he was pulling Alan into the kitchen and at his wet clothes.

“I did eat though and I know it’s late,” Alan started to say. “I’m sorry to worry you, the car dead stopped about a block away and- uh”  he paused for a moment as Eric backed him against a seat at the island. He sank to one knee before Alan to start working his wet shoes off.

“Damnit,” Eric grumbled, “I said I was gonna take the car to get checked this mornin’, ‘m’sorry Al.”

“Not your fault, we didn’t have time,” Alan reminded him and then, “I can do that,” when Eric grunted at one rain fortified knot of shoelace. He tried to reach down to help out only to have Eric’s hands cover and hold his own. Eric held his gaze too when he said; “Yer shiverin’, lets jus’ get ya a hot shower.” 

He lifted Alan into his arms and felt Alan’s wrapping around his neck before his body slackened in Eric’s hold.    
“Ye must be  _ really _ tired if y’ain’ gonna tell me ye can walk jus’ fine yerself,” Eric noted, equally relieved and further worried. Alan was a fighter when it really mattered but he knew how to pick his battles and he’d gone from explaining to drifting in a matter of moments once Eric picked him up.

“Tired.” Alan agreed.    
Enough to (not  _ quite _ carelessly) drop his glasses on the bed as they passed it.

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me yet, love,” Eric said, shifting them both into the bathroom. 

“I’m not asleep, I’m comfortable,” Alan said, emphasizing his statement by nuzzling against Eric’s collar and clinging tighter when Eric tried to set him down on the closed toilet seat.    
“Ay, how’m I s’posed to undress ya like this?”    
It couldn’t have been a complaint though, not with the smile Alan could feel against his jaw, prelude to a soft kiss. 

“You’ve managed before,” Alan said, tired but now the spark Eric recognized as  _ for him _ , had returned to Alan’s eyes. 

Eric cupped a warm palm against Alan’s chilled face and kissed him, half registering a faint clink and thud as Alan shifted his half-tied shoes off. Alan kissed back with a hunger despite his tiredness, his hands gripped Eric’s shirt and felt around for buttons and hem to pull it off and moaned when Eric’s lips returned and opened against his neck. Another “Er-ric,” fell from his lips before Eric’s covered those again too.   
“Lemme make tea,” Eric said despite the thick craving in his voice, ”no point in gettin’ warm to go an’ freeze again.” 

Alan let out a small noise of discontent when Eric unwound from his grasp but the way he looked at the man now standing above him, offering a hand, was no less warm.    
“I’m the luckiest,” he sighed, letting Eric help him stand but pulling himself back against Eric and his warmth.   
Eric tried to resist wrapping his arms tight around Alan, “an’ yer cold.”    
“Mmhmm, warm me.”   
“I will if ye let me get dry clothes first.” A very tired Alan meant Eric became the responsible partner and it was a very trying affair when his lovely Alan clung to him and purred at the contact.     
  
He managed to let go, leave Alan a towel next to the shower and head to the kitchen. A true feat really, leaving his Alan undressed and eager for him to instead boil water, alone. It was worth it though for Alan. He returned to their room and set the steaming mug on the bedside table when he realized the shower was still running.   
“Al? Ya didn’ fall asleep in there did ye?”

Alan was still standing but his state of wakefulness was questionable, eyes closed, head tilted slightly forward and lips just slightly parted at the center of his mouth. Alan held one arm out, palm braced against the shower wall, the other hung at his slide. 

“What, ye din’ wanna get in and now ye don’ wanna get out?” Eric grabbed the towel first before he reached past Alan turn off the water and Alan turned to him as soon as there was no spray to doze under. Eric drew the towel around Alan and Alan reached up to give him a sleepy kiss tasting slightly of toothpaste, which was when Eric noticed that their shirts had moved from the floor to the counter. Or rather, he realized it when Alan let go long enough to pull on the only slightly damp shirt he’d earlier stripped off of Eric. A sleepy Alan was already cute, a sleepy Alan determined to wear something of  _ Eric _ ’s was downright adorable and Alan, tired, wet tousle-haired, wearing Eric’s shirt that fell half-way down his thighs, Alan who groaned with want and leaned back into him when Eric embraced him from behind was right out of a fantasy that even Eric might be a bit bashful to admit. 

“Still cold, love?”    
“Mmhmm, warm me,” Alan repeated, not opening his eyes. He moaned again, louder, when Eric kissed his neck and opened his mouth to form a mark he was careful to ascertain would fade overnight. Alan leaned back harder against Eric and sighed through the kisses behind his ear and down the back of his neck and let out a half-gasp when Eric spoke against his skin:

“I think I can do that.” 

Alan went compliantly limp when Eric lifted him wrapping his arms over broad, toned shoulders and leaned his head into the towel slung over one- but the moment his back touched the bed Alan pulled Eric with him. Eric braced himself against the bed with one arm, not any more willing than Alan was to let go, he kicked back the duvet as he ambled all the way on to the bed. Alan tugged at his trousers, caught between further unclothing Eric and dissolving all awareness in the sensation of Erics hands and mouth on him. He gave Eric just enough space to push his pants the rest of the way off and drop to his side. Alan waited not a moment more before he wrapped around Eric again, pressed their mouths together again and guided Eric’s hand to his bare hip, Eric’s hand traced up and down Alan’s skin, each touch cherishing on its route into the shirt while Alan mapped Eric’s chest with kisses and soft nips. Alan sighed at the way Eric too mapped his skin, they could go on and on like this, holding each other, committing to memory this particular means of conveying love, need, claim.    
  
Alan kissed a slow line down Eric’s windpipe, enjoying the feeling of Eric’s throat humming under his lips when Alan made him moan. “Eric,” he whispered back, lips barely leaving skin for enough room to do so. Alan’s lips slid down to the hollow of Eric’s throat, he took his time to bite and soothe a mark just below it and turned his head up to look Eric in the eye, pleased with himself. And sleepy. Eric could tell his half closed eyes weren’t from only the heady air around them. Eric groaned again and drew himself up to look down at Alan.

“Good gods Al,” he husked and started to pull off his glasses, Alan helped him halfway, taking them to set aside. “I don’t even need those to know you  _ are _ the most gorgeous thin’ ever.”

Eric gripped the undersides of Alan’s thighs and gave Alan no time to respond when he prompted Alan to rest them over his hips, crossing his legs over Eric’s back. Alan let out gasp at the quick repositioning and then a long moan when Eric ground into him, unable to stop even when Eric leaned down to swallow the sound in another hungry kiss. With one hand Eric pulled at one of Alan’s legs, letting them press harder for slow thrusts and Alan whined when Eric withdrew, too tired to realize where Eric was going. Eric held Alan’s bent knees apart and dropped between them.

“Alan?” 

“Eric... yes.” 

Eric opened his mouth and drew it slowly up Alan’s inner thigh, he might’ve though he teased too much if not for hisses of encouragement in the form of,

“Eric,  _ yesss _ ,” and fumbling hands searching for golden hair. Alan sounded close to the edge with need, his breath  hitched and caught in his throat when Eric’s mouth met his member. He gave Eric a soft, slow cry of thrill as that mouth attended him from base to tip and another gasp when Eric swallowed over the slit before starting to take him in. Alan’s fingers twitched around golden locks, grip slackening then tightening again to pull Eric up.

“Not yet,” Alan murmured,”with you.”

Eric‘s pace was lurid, taking his time to kiss along Alan’s legs, a trail from one ankle up a bent knee and along Alan’s inner thigh again. He slid his arms under Alan tilting Alan’s hips again and nuzzled against the soft skin where hip met thigh. 

“ _ Alan _ .” A praise, a prayer, like his name could ground Eric from the high of their intimacy. He pressed a firm but tender kiss to Alan’s lips, cheek, jaw and travelled to one side in time with his lower body descending carefully over Alan’s. Eric held him like a treasure, hands cradling Alan’s head, breath and fingers splaying over Alan’s skin in the motions of shoulder kisses and one toned arm sliding under Alan’s rear to guide his legs further apart and one up to sling over Eric’s own hip like before, both drew in a sharp breath as their lengths touched again.

“ _ Eric _ ,” Alan whimpered. 

Eric’s other hand lay under Alan’s head, fingers splayed through his hair and thumb brushing in a faint, slow pattern across his cheekbone. Alan turned further into Eric, now both on their sides he nuzzled into Eric’s chest, the rest of his body loose and pliant. Alan was ridiculously cute for someone nearly naked, sex-mussed and sporting an unrestrained hardness that he hadn’t the alertness to be shy about. His fingers flitted over the front of Eric’s boxer-briefs, lax in movements as if he had no particular intent. Eric’s hand joined his, intertwining their fingers. 

“Are ye awake, love?”

“Trying,” Alan murmured back. “ _ Want _ ...”

“Wanna sleep then?” Eric asked followed by the quick thought of,  _ cold shower it is _ . 

Alan’s hand jerked between their legs, surprising them both and sheering his eyes open wide. His fingers moved haplessly and he frowned as his eyes started to close again.   
“Ts’alright,” Eric said. He emphasized it with a forehead kiss. 

Alan made a noise sounding the way his frown looked. 

“Y’ve been workin’ hard an had a rough evenin yeah?” he kept up his light caresses as he spoke, trying to soothe in as many ways as he could at once. “ ‘T’s’alright Al.”   
Alan clutched Eric tighter and repeated the wordless lament. Eric couldn’t help his quiet and fond laugh, his Alan worked tirelessly, no matter how tired, his Alan would do anything to support him,  _ them _ , would do anything to give Eric whatever he could in the moment.   
“Want me ta’ take care of that instead?” he purred.

He felt Alan nod and kiss his bare chest, given the time they’d had learning to communicate, Eric felt contented to take that as a yes. Alan was aware of hands on him, a hand around both his and Eric’s erections, blissful friction and ardent kisses. Behind his eyelids he saw stars and needn’t have been awake to know what Eric had spoken.   
“ _ I love you, Al. _ ”

 

~~~

 

The rain wasn’t going to stop, or even lighten, Alan knew. It poured harder every moment and spattered over the windshield obscuring Alan’s view. Something told him that home was getting further and further away as if the car was covering no distance no matter how intently onwards he drove. The cold felt permeating all of the sudden, a sensation of dampness starting at Alan’s feet and reaching through his clothes and skin to the bone. He felt hollow, seeing his hands on the wheel but not believing they were his. He watched through the eyes of a spectator with no corporeality of his own and only half felt the water puddling around the pedals, pooling over his ankles, rising. He was hollow, an open vessel for the water to fill. There was nothing in him but bone anyway. 

The water rose past his ribs as he drove on, filling the car, filling his hollow body, the world was cold and liquid. It filled his chest and submerged his lungs. Oh. Those were still there. Some part of the spectator could feel the cold bind within his chest, some part of him was aware that this was his body, flooded inside and out, that he was drowning. A freezing burn clawed from within his chest, reminding him of the need to breathe, the need to get out, to  _ not be here right now _ . He tried to cry but even as the cold within him overflowed there was nowhere for it to go. He watched his fingers curve into half-formed hooks, reaching for something to grasp as cold and pain drove him numb without escape. He wouldn’t get home to Eric, he realized, there would be no future kisses and sweet words and tender touches. He wouldn’t lie there with Eric, panting and disheveled, sweaty foreheads leaning together as they shared breath. Suddenly, the cold felt so sad.   
  
When he opened his eyes Alan couldn’t be sure if he was freezing or maddeningly overheated. He was indeed panting, sweat drenched but the moment he pushed off the covers he felt a drop from stifling to nearly frigid as grabbed for them back. His head spun and he found no strength in his body, at least none at the ready when he reached for his bedside lamp. His vision swam as if something had dropped him underwater and he hadn’t a moment to recover from the shock, his breathing came shallow from the top of his lungs and unable to draw deeper.    
“Al?” 

Stress turned to panic and cycled through him,

“Alan? Wha’s wro-”

until he began to choke on his own frenzied and depthless sobs. 

“ _ Alan _ !”

 

Warm mouth against his, tongue imploring his lips open, someone else breathing into him.   
_ Eric _ .   
Pulling Alan into his arms soothing circles and aimless patterns into his back through the shirt. 

“Eric.”   
Alan’s eyes were wet but the sobs had quieted to trifling attempts at breathing. He had no time to exhale, panting from his body demanding he draw breath in and in and in. Still, he managed to grab Eric’s hand and draw it under the shirt, barely a moment later he scrabbled to pull the sweat-saturated thing off over his head and grasp at Eric, sighing once they were both bare and flush skin to skin. Eric had propped them up slightly with the pillows and could now draw Alan even closer, one arm around his back and opposite hand stroking slowly through Alan’s hair as he held Alan’s head to his chest.

“Feel tha’?” Eric’s voice was certain but oh so gentle. “Breathe wi’ me, love.”

Eric’s slow caresses and even respiration guided Alan back to a calm that the nightmare had torn away from him.    
“Eric,” Alan murmured, unburying his face from Eric’s shoulder.

“Better?” Eric’s voice sounded the same way he looked at Alan, it made Alan’s heart glow not unlike his partner’s golden skin in the lamplight.    
“A nightmare,” Alan said, an answer to the question on Eric’s face. “I was...drowning.” He paused for a long beat. “I was drowning alone, but the worst part of it was that I couldn’t come home to you.” His eyes were wide and dark as he spoke, pupils dominating the majority.

  
Alan tilted his head up as Eric tilted his down to meet their lips half-way. Kissing Eric felt like being worshiped and adored, there was no room for doubt between Eric’s softness and sureness. He didn’t bother to dominate or demand in the moment, he simply accepted whatever Alan gave and gave back the same in tenderness. Alan though felt a bit more insistent, hungry. He nipped at Eric’s lower lip and slid his tongue between them as soon as Eric opened for him. He let Alan control the tempo, where Eric had brought Alan to a delicate simmer Alan was still hot to the touch and seeking more warmth and friction. Alan shivered despite sweating still, he felt frantic but stalled like trying to run through liquid, running on empty but unable to stop. 

“Al, hey, breathe.” Eric had drawn back just enough to cup Alan’s face with both hands and look at him. Eric looked like he was in pain, eyebrows sunken over a tight frown, fear pulling at its edges and from deep within his eyes. Alan wrapped one hand around Eric’s wrist, he forced himself to watch his reflection in Eric’s eyes as he forced his breathing to lighten.

“Good. Tha’s good Al.” 

Eric’s unclasped hand drifted down Alan’s back to skim over dampened skin, resuming the slow and undefined movements, adjusting when Alan curled back into him.

“Y’can’t take extra shifts this late no more,” he said, sounding afraid rather than upset. “Not even t’cover for me, love.” 

“We’re all caught up now though,” Alan murmured, “until my next spell sets us back again.”

Eric set his lips to Alan’s temple in a lingering kiss. “Not your fault, love. Yer certifiably in high demand, s’hard work, sharin’ ya so much.” 

Alan lay nearly still in Eric’s arms, focusing on the sensations from fingers moving against his skin. “Hnmm,” he sighed, “love you Eric.”

Eric kissed Alan’s hair and whispered back what was probably the same sentiment before he looked at Alan again. “Say, d’y’want me ta reheat that tea if it’s still sittin’ there?” 

Alan closed his eyes a moment and kissed the inside of Eric’s palm, still against his cheek. He didn’t respond right away, instead reaching for the teacup on his bedside table. “It’ll be fine cold,” he said, “if you hold me I’ll be warm.” 

  
  



End file.
